I went back in time today. I dug out a box of letters that I had written to Hailie after she was born. She was born on July 10th 2002. On the 10th of every month I wrote a letter to her. Now let me tell ya, I balled my eyes out reading these letters for the first time in 8 years. I can say with all my heart and soul that I would never change a thing. I read the first heartbreaking letter that I wrote after receiving her diagnosis. I literally went through "mouring" after the neurologist told us she had Smith Magenis Syndrome. Keep in mind that I was 8 months pregnant with Carter when we found this out. By "mouring" I mean this...
the day I found out I was having a girl I started to plan her wedding. The next day I planned her educational future which included Montessori schools and Ivy league universities. I thought of all the wonderful genetic attributes that she would obtain through mine and Adam's DNA. Would she have blonde hair or brown? Blue eyes like me or hazel like Adam? Will she be brilliant in science or fly mutli-million dollar planes and work for the Presdient of the United States like her dad? She would just have to be good in sports because me and Adam rock in sports. This is the kind of cocky confidence I had that I would have this "perfect" child. Then on a hot summer morning Hailie Morgan was born. She was very sick. Countless appointments to figure out why she had failure-to-thrive. Countless doctors telling me that I was an overreactive first time parent. Countless doctors telling me nothing was wrong with her because she was too beautiful (not even joking. that is what one of the numb nuts said to me).
Then when Hailie was a little over a year old I was looking at this beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed, adorable little girl. Only problem was she still couldn't walk or barely crawl for that matter. She was not attempting to talk either. We moved to a new Air Force Base in Oklahoma and saw a God sent doctor that actually listened to me and my concerns. She agreed that something was not right. For the first time someone listened. 2 months later after extensive testing we were called in the day after Christmas to meet with the lead Neurologist at Childrens Hospital in Corpus Christi. This is where I met the biggest asshole of my life. This jackass had enough nerve to sit us down and with a HUGE smile tell us that Hailie had Smith Magenis Syndrome. He was happy because this syndrome is sooooo rare that he never got to meet a patient with it. He then (no joke) tell us, "She will never walk. She will never live alone. She will never talk clearly. She will not have the ability to learn. She will not ever know what love is. Her reasoning skills will be so poor that if she set herself on fire, she will not learn a lesson from it, and do it again the next day."
That is when "mourning" occurred. My hopes and dreams for Hailie were stomped on and destroyed in less than 5 minutes. It took me a long time to realize how wrong I was. This beautiful little angel (that does not pause inbetween words when she talks) lives out my hopes and dreams every day. If it would not have been for Hailie I would have never learned patience, acceptance, and unwavering love. My children are the best things that have ever happened to me.
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